Bas Bas! Mr. Bus!

Food Ambassador Ramphall from Farmana in Haryana, and Petroleum Ambassador Piara Singh form Patran in Punjab, meet George Bush in the White House to brief him on what is to be said in relation to the consumption levels of the Indians, when it comes to filling their bellies, or fuelling up their automobiles.

“Hey guys tell me saamthin abut yer great country’s burning up, I mean, eating habits.” Bush said. “Sir ji, I can only say that ‘Rice’—no pun meant pleej—tastes better than bwheat.” Ramphall said with some sense of conviction.

“But haw cain you say so?” questioned Bush when Ramphall described the vicarious pleasure he once had on taste of rice, “Sir ji I never ate rice myself, I only saw the S.H.O. of Sampla police station in my state, partaking of the dhaula dhaula white stuff.”
“Ther you er! It means only when your poorchasing puwer increases, you can be in a place wher you cain buy even the caaps. And dat, then only you st‘u’art likening yourselves to the Ess-Etch-Os. Bi-laang to d middle class, no?” Bush said and swanked, “Naw look at their aadacity, they even scorn the wooerld Ess-Etch-O! Phew!”
“Bus bus Mr. Bus!(Haryanvis pronounce ‘sh’ as ‘s’ and vice versa) We can’t take your contempt lying down, rather standing up. Ramphall ate a humble pie wanting Bush to eat his words. But he beseeched Bush “I pray Sir, you could well repeat what the French queen said, that is remembered till today.” He tried to sound well versed in History. “What-what did d French Kween say?” a bamboozled Bush asked and Ramphall promptly reminded to him the famous quote, “If they can’t eat bread, let them have cakes!” “Yup yup! Intelligent Kween indeed. I shad say saamthin to dat effect. Thank you.”

Then Bush turned to Piara Singh. “Hey man! Haif d cabs in New York are driven by you guys. You seem to have been born with screws and spanners (laughs with a wink at Rice by his side) I mean with the knowhow to run the machines. Do ye bleeve the aatomobeels in the U.S. consume more gas than those in your country?” he said.

“Oh na, na ji ! Aidhar thoda, yani Dubye da dab-daba hai ji. Sadde kani te Jugar chalde ne jehre sadde apne aap de banaye hoye Sky-Lab ne ji. O thora zyada deejal-patrol khande ne! (O’ no, Sir! Here Dubya has a grip over the things. In our country we run our own manufactured hodgepodge assortments which have quite a semblance with the vehicles. Yes they consume a little more diesel and petrol)” Piara Singh bragged with a sparkle of sorts in his eyes.
“Ther yu er again! Your aatomobeels too eat a lil more than what is required. Aren’t you guys adding to the woes of the wooerld! Bush concluded and again winked at Rice, “I think now I can name dat country with Chinkies as well, for creating a mess with the wooerld’s ecaanaamy.” “Yes I think you cain do it now Prez but a bit maayaldy, you know why!” Rice pitched in grinning.

Just then the First Lady Laura called from inside, “Hey Jaaj, tell these guys to rush aid to people in Cyclone hit Myanmar immediately. Being fairly well-off, now they can afford some charity. Let’s have some basmati rice, our own patented ofcourse, I cooked for you.